It's my birthday today, turning 29, so I'm in a really good mood. Been getting a lot of congratulations from my co-workers and I think they are doing a cake party for me this afternoon so I'm happy. On top of that, the girl that I interviewed on Monday and really liked accepted our offer so she's starting in a week. And, the girl that was my 2nd choice for the job decided to accept another position in our department so I'll still be able to use her for some projects so overall it was a good week!
On the TTC front - we did have some action on Friday, Saturday and Tuesday (which was ovulation day, I thought) and I thought we could maybe have some action on Wednesday but when my husband woke my up on Wednesday morning because he was in the mood, I was sooo tired that I could barely open my eyes so nothing happened. I had decided to have a little break from TTC this month (although I could not help thinking about it anyway) so at least I'm glad that we had some action. Although I'm not really hopeful since I know it was very little action compared to the previous months (we try to bd every day when it's around ovulation time). Now, we can just wait - the hardest 2 weeks of every month - looking for symptoms, touching my breasts every 5 minutes, checking my discharge - I become a wacko woman :) I'm glad this month my brother is staying with and we're doing lots of things with him so this will take my mind off of the whole waiting game. Besides, I'm seeing a doctor next Friday so hopefully will start getting some answers.
I've been reading some posts from other people who are TTC and one woman mentioned that when you can't conceive for a while it changes your whole perspective on things and it's so true. When we first started trying I had a whole plan in my head - we'd start trying in the summer, get pregnant within 2-3 months and give birth in the spring and be able to take the baby out to the beach this summer. Then I'd take 3 months off work and be back right on time for our biggest conference in September. I was born in the spring and my mom always told me how great it was that she could take me out almost right away and that we were able to spend a lot of time out in the sun and she got me all these little cute outfits for summer and that's how I imagined my baby being. I was adamant about not wanting a winter baby because of the weather and all the viruses, etc. I also started checking our pregnancy clothes as soon as we started trying and I was imagining myself in these cute maternity shirts and jeans - I thought I'd be a very trendy pregnant woman, sort of like Gwen Stefani. And when I saw one of my friends balloon up to over 200 pound when she was preggers, I kept think that's not going to be me - I'll just gain a little weight but I'll keep it under control and I'll look pretty my whole pregnancy and I won't get sick, maybe just a little. Yeah, right... At this point, I don't even care when I conceive and when the baby it's born - winter, summer, I'll take anything. And I don't even worry about gaining weight or looking pretty anymore - I really just want a healthy baby. So, got to stay positive and keep my fingers crossed that it will happen soon.
And by the way - looks like Angelina Jolie is not due until late May. Apparently she and Brad and the kids moved to some preserve in Namibia where she wants to give birth so that her baby has international roots just like her other kids. I like her but I really don't get it - she is probably spending millions of dollars to rent the entire villa and to keep a plane on call and to have her doctor on call. She could have given this money to the poor people in Namibia if she really wants to help the country. And besides, this baby is going to have Brad Pitt as a father and Angelina as a mom - how the hell do they expect the kid to be humble and normal?
* 7 days until my doctor's appointment*
Friday, April 28, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Some TTC action last night
Despite my expectations, we did manage to squeeze in some TTC action last night so who knows, maybe there is a chance. I doubt it, but I have to keep thinking positive thoughts (I hope I don't sound like a motivational speaker). I am pretty sure I ovulated yesterday or today because the timing is right and I had mild cramps yesterday and lots of discharge today. I guess that's as good of an indication as any ovulation kit.
My hubby and I were really tired last night and not really in the mood so I figured I'm not going to push it (and believe me, I have tried to rape my husband before :) So we just spooned and I dozed off when my husband woke me up and started caressing me out of the blue. I could tell he was ready for some action (we were spooning so I could feel it, if you know what I'm saying) but I was very sleepy so we had a super quick quickie and then I fell asleep. I don't know if that's enough to make me pregnant but one can always hope. Nothing else seems to work...
It's my birthday on Friday so I'm already stressing out what to do. I know birthdays are supposed to be fun and they are but there's always this pressure to do something fun which doesn't always work out. I love to travel so in the past I've always preferred to go somewhere for a long weekend instead of receiving gifts. I have a lot of stuff anyway so I'd rather just see a new place or go to the beach. But this year, my brother is staying with us and we just came back from Las Vegas so I'll be spending my b-day at home. I want to have a BBQ and invite some friends but some of my good friends will not be in town this weekend, so it may be just a small group. So maybe we'll just go bowling or play board games or something - urgh, like I need one more thing to stress about!
*8 days until my doctor's appointment*
My hubby and I were really tired last night and not really in the mood so I figured I'm not going to push it (and believe me, I have tried to rape my husband before :) So we just spooned and I dozed off when my husband woke me up and started caressing me out of the blue. I could tell he was ready for some action (we were spooning so I could feel it, if you know what I'm saying) but I was very sleepy so we had a super quick quickie and then I fell asleep. I don't know if that's enough to make me pregnant but one can always hope. Nothing else seems to work...
It's my birthday on Friday so I'm already stressing out what to do. I know birthdays are supposed to be fun and they are but there's always this pressure to do something fun which doesn't always work out. I love to travel so in the past I've always preferred to go somewhere for a long weekend instead of receiving gifts. I have a lot of stuff anyway so I'd rather just see a new place or go to the beach. But this year, my brother is staying with us and we just came back from Las Vegas so I'll be spending my b-day at home. I want to have a BBQ and invite some friends but some of my good friends will not be in town this weekend, so it may be just a small group. So maybe we'll just go bowling or play board games or something - urgh, like I need one more thing to stress about!
*8 days until my doctor's appointment*
I'm Ovulating Today
I have a feeling that I'm ovulating today but unfortunately very little chance of having any TTC time. Some months I just feel like I know when I'm ovulating because I get slight cramps, just like before I get my period, and they last for 1-2 days so I'm convinced that's related to ovulation. Besides, I'm 13 days past the start of AF so it's about the right time. As I mentioned, I'm not doing any testing this month so I'll just try to take it easy (I know I'm fine now but in 10 days I'll still be stressing and looking for any symptoms).
My hubby and I had sex on Friday and Saturday but nothing since then - Sunder we were too tired from the paintball and yesterday we both worked late and got home, watched some TV and fell asleep. I tried to wake him up in the middle of the night for some action (that's my favorite time) but he was fast asleep :( And this morning he had to be at work early so nothing again. I guess tonight is the last chance and then it's over, so I'm not very hopeful about this month. At least I'm going to the doctor next week and hopefully we'll have some answers then because I'm tired of this emotional roller-coaster.
I know lots of people now are adopting babies and I wish I could say that I'd be OK with adopting but I won't. I really want to be pregnant and have my own baby, is that too much to ask? After reading tons of messages and blogs from people who are TTC in their 20s and 30s I am convinced that it's much harder to conceive now than it was 20-30 years ago. I don't really know what it is but there seem to be thousands and thousands of healthy, young women in great relationships who have been TTC for 1-2 years and still nothing. Just makes you wonder what changed...
On a more positive note - I interviewed a girl on Friday that I really liked and she came for a second interview today and everyone really liked her so we are going to make her an offer. I hope she takes it because she seems to have a great personality and good marketing experience and I feel like she will click with all of us here so I hope I made the right decision. Will keep you posted.
Oh, and thanks to the person who left me a comment about Brooke Shields not being able to conceive for a long time. I have to admit I have not read her book and I did not know she struggled with infertility so I'd definitely try to read it soon. It's always good to hear how other people deal with things that you are experiencing.
My hubby and I had sex on Friday and Saturday but nothing since then - Sunder we were too tired from the paintball and yesterday we both worked late and got home, watched some TV and fell asleep. I tried to wake him up in the middle of the night for some action (that's my favorite time) but he was fast asleep :( And this morning he had to be at work early so nothing again. I guess tonight is the last chance and then it's over, so I'm not very hopeful about this month. At least I'm going to the doctor next week and hopefully we'll have some answers then because I'm tired of this emotional roller-coaster.
I know lots of people now are adopting babies and I wish I could say that I'd be OK with adopting but I won't. I really want to be pregnant and have my own baby, is that too much to ask? After reading tons of messages and blogs from people who are TTC in their 20s and 30s I am convinced that it's much harder to conceive now than it was 20-30 years ago. I don't really know what it is but there seem to be thousands and thousands of healthy, young women in great relationships who have been TTC for 1-2 years and still nothing. Just makes you wonder what changed...
On a more positive note - I interviewed a girl on Friday that I really liked and she came for a second interview today and everyone really liked her so we are going to make her an offer. I hope she takes it because she seems to have a great personality and good marketing experience and I feel like she will click with all of us here so I hope I made the right decision. Will keep you posted.
Oh, and thanks to the person who left me a comment about Brooke Shields not being able to conceive for a long time. I have to admit I have not read her book and I did not know she struggled with infertility so I'd definitely try to read it soon. It's always good to hear how other people deal with things that you are experiencing.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Me and J.Lo. are trying to conceive
"I've been on spinach omellettes for breakfast, spinach salad for lunch and sautéed spinach with every dinner. If the spinach doesn't help me conceive, I'll still end up with Popeye-sized muscles" - this is what J.Lo recently said in an interview. I can't even tell you how good it made me feel when I read this that I'm not the only one doing weird things in the hopes of conceiving. Looks like J. Lo. has been having some trouble in the baby-making department as well, so I'm going to keep checking up on her. This whole process sucks but it probably sucks even more for her being scrutinized in magazines every day. Good luck J.Lo!
By the way - thank you all who left comments on my blog. I never knew that people actually read my blog until I checked my stats this weekend and noticed that almost 300 people have read it. And I read all the comments - you cannot even imagine how good you made me feel. I appreciate all the advice and encouragement and just knowing that there are other people out there in the same situation makes me feel a lot better. So, keep leaving me comments, I really appreciate it. Oh, and thanks to the person who told me to do ovulation tests in the afternoon - I'll try that next month. I did notice that doing them in the morning was not very effective because I seemed to get a positive once ovulation was under way and it was almost too late.
I had an up and down weekend. On Sunday was the Eastern Orthodox Easter so my husband and I went to church on Saturday night (I only go to church several times a year but this is one of the major holidays). I saw this girl who used to go out with one of our guy friends but they broke up around Christmas and I had not seen her since. Well, imagine my surprise when she showed up in church with him and sporting a big pregnant belly. Turns out that they had sort of "farewell sex" the night when they finally broke up and she got pregnant that night. She said she had always used protection before that and this was the only unprotected sex they had. So she told him about the pregnancy, he was super happy because he had always wanted kids and they got back together and are now living happily ever after. This was just a little more than I could take! How can she get pregnant after just once especially if this was while they were breaking up? And of course everyone was oooh-ing and aaah-ing around her pregnant belly and she was glowing and I just wanted to throw up. I am happy for them; it just hurts too much to see someone get pregnant so quickly without even trying and here I am - in a happy relationship, having lots of unprotected sex with my husband and noting. Urgh...it's just so unfair!
On Sunday we want to play paintball, which actually was a lot of fun and made me forget about the whole pregnancy thing. We went to a place called Hogback in Leesburg, VA. I had never played paintball before and I am sort of a girly girl but I had a great time and it felt good to get a little dirty and crawl in the mud (it rained the day before so the grass was very muddy and slippery). I think paintball unleashes some primal instinct in people to be a shooter and a hunter (even though I would never actually shoot a real gun) and I got so into the game that I didn’t even notice when the 3 hours were over. But I have to say it really hurts when the ball hits you. I now have about a dozen bruises all over my body so I'm glad it's still not summer yet so I can cover up with clothes. Otherwise, people may think I got beat up by my husband :)
On the TTC front - I decided to take a little break this month from really trying and just have sex when and how we want to. It's not to say that I'm not going to be thinking about conceiving but I just decided that we needed some fun sex for a bit, especially since I'm going to see a doctor next week I might as well just wait and see what he says. So I'm not doing ovulation testing this month (although by my calculation I should be ovulating tomorrow or Wednesday) and I'm trying not to stress. We had sex on Friday and Saturday (nothing yesterday - we were too tired from the paintball) and if we are in the mood today or tomorrow then great. If not, then I'll just try not to think about it and wait for May 5th. I wish I could see the doctor earlier but I guess nothing I can do about it. By the way, thanks to the person who left me a comment about waiting to get checked by a doctor for 5 years and finally being ready to try again. I will send you a personal email and I do wish you all the luck in the world! Keep me posted.
By the way - thank you all who left comments on my blog. I never knew that people actually read my blog until I checked my stats this weekend and noticed that almost 300 people have read it. And I read all the comments - you cannot even imagine how good you made me feel. I appreciate all the advice and encouragement and just knowing that there are other people out there in the same situation makes me feel a lot better. So, keep leaving me comments, I really appreciate it. Oh, and thanks to the person who told me to do ovulation tests in the afternoon - I'll try that next month. I did notice that doing them in the morning was not very effective because I seemed to get a positive once ovulation was under way and it was almost too late.
I had an up and down weekend. On Sunday was the Eastern Orthodox Easter so my husband and I went to church on Saturday night (I only go to church several times a year but this is one of the major holidays). I saw this girl who used to go out with one of our guy friends but they broke up around Christmas and I had not seen her since. Well, imagine my surprise when she showed up in church with him and sporting a big pregnant belly. Turns out that they had sort of "farewell sex" the night when they finally broke up and she got pregnant that night. She said she had always used protection before that and this was the only unprotected sex they had. So she told him about the pregnancy, he was super happy because he had always wanted kids and they got back together and are now living happily ever after. This was just a little more than I could take! How can she get pregnant after just once especially if this was while they were breaking up? And of course everyone was oooh-ing and aaah-ing around her pregnant belly and she was glowing and I just wanted to throw up. I am happy for them; it just hurts too much to see someone get pregnant so quickly without even trying and here I am - in a happy relationship, having lots of unprotected sex with my husband and noting. Urgh...it's just so unfair!
On Sunday we want to play paintball, which actually was a lot of fun and made me forget about the whole pregnancy thing. We went to a place called Hogback in Leesburg, VA. I had never played paintball before and I am sort of a girly girl but I had a great time and it felt good to get a little dirty and crawl in the mud (it rained the day before so the grass was very muddy and slippery). I think paintball unleashes some primal instinct in people to be a shooter and a hunter (even though I would never actually shoot a real gun) and I got so into the game that I didn’t even notice when the 3 hours were over. But I have to say it really hurts when the ball hits you. I now have about a dozen bruises all over my body so I'm glad it's still not summer yet so I can cover up with clothes. Otherwise, people may think I got beat up by my husband :)
On the TTC front - I decided to take a little break this month from really trying and just have sex when and how we want to. It's not to say that I'm not going to be thinking about conceiving but I just decided that we needed some fun sex for a bit, especially since I'm going to see a doctor next week I might as well just wait and see what he says. So I'm not doing ovulation testing this month (although by my calculation I should be ovulating tomorrow or Wednesday) and I'm trying not to stress. We had sex on Friday and Saturday (nothing yesterday - we were too tired from the paintball) and if we are in the mood today or tomorrow then great. If not, then I'll just try not to think about it and wait for May 5th. I wish I could see the doctor earlier but I guess nothing I can do about it. By the way, thanks to the person who left me a comment about waiting to get checked by a doctor for 5 years and finally being ready to try again. I will send you a personal email and I do wish you all the luck in the world! Keep me posted.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
I Have a Doctor's Appointment
I called my friend's OB/GYN today and they were super nice to me. I told them about my chemical pregnancy and that I've been trying to get pregnant unsuccessfully since then and the receptionist was very understanding and she said she was going to try to fit me in as soon as possible. So I have an appointment with one of their doctors for May 5 - a whole week before my regular doctor was able to see me, which is a long time if you're desperate to get pregnant. So I'm hoping that finally someone can figure out why I'm not getting pregnant or what exactly is going on with my body because I'm tired of trying to figure it our myself.
I had lunch with my friend with the twins today and we were looking at pictures of the babies in Eastern costumes - they are less than a month old but they are sooo cute. My mother-in-law always tells us that we're likely to have twins because there are a lot of twins in my husband’s family and I used to tell her to stop saying that because I was absolutely terrified of the idea of having two babies at once. But now when I look at Holly's babies and they are so sweet and she handles them so well, I can't help but think that I'd be OK with having twins. I really just want to have a baby, one or two doesn't matter, they are adorable and I can't wait to have one or two of my own.
I was reading about Britney Spears last night - apparently her baby fell from the high chair and had a minor scull fracture so everybody is talking about calling the child protection services, possibly taking the baby away from her and what a bad mom she is. I wish they would just leave her alone! I'm not a big fan of hers but I know it's hard to raise a first child and deal with a husband who's not there and on top of that having your every move photographed so I totally feel for her. I'm sure she's doing her best to be a good mom and the paparazzi should just give her some space. There are much worse moms out there and no one is going after them. When I was in college my then boyfriend had a friend who had a baby, maybe 8-9 months old, and when we went to his house once the baby was lying on a blanket on the hardwood floor with the dog lying right next to him and licking one of the baby's toys. It was just awful! So don't waste your time on Britney - she is a better mom than many others!
On a pregnancy note - just when I thought that all the pregnant celebrities (except for Brangelina) have given birth turns out that Fergie is preggers too - looks like less than 3 months. And apparently Christina Aguilera and her hubby are trying to get pregnant. I wonder if celebrities ever deal with the whole TTC issue. It seems like they magically conceive as soon as they decide they want a baby. Even actresses who are in their 40s seem to get pregnant right away, how do they do that? J Lo is the only one that I know has been trying to have a baby but is not pregnant yet. Who knows, maybe me and her will conceive at the same time :)
I had another interview at work today. I really liked the girl - she was very bubbly and energetic and had a great vibe. She didn't have much marketing experience though so I'm not sure whether my boss will like that, I know she liked the candidate from yesterday a lot. Too bad the girl that I saw today is going away for a week and cannot come back for a 2nd interview until end of next week - I know we need to hire someone ASAP so we may have to make decision before she comes back. I still have a few more people to interview so we'll see how it goes.
I had lunch with my friend with the twins today and we were looking at pictures of the babies in Eastern costumes - they are less than a month old but they are sooo cute. My mother-in-law always tells us that we're likely to have twins because there are a lot of twins in my husband’s family and I used to tell her to stop saying that because I was absolutely terrified of the idea of having two babies at once. But now when I look at Holly's babies and they are so sweet and she handles them so well, I can't help but think that I'd be OK with having twins. I really just want to have a baby, one or two doesn't matter, they are adorable and I can't wait to have one or two of my own.
I was reading about Britney Spears last night - apparently her baby fell from the high chair and had a minor scull fracture so everybody is talking about calling the child protection services, possibly taking the baby away from her and what a bad mom she is. I wish they would just leave her alone! I'm not a big fan of hers but I know it's hard to raise a first child and deal with a husband who's not there and on top of that having your every move photographed so I totally feel for her. I'm sure she's doing her best to be a good mom and the paparazzi should just give her some space. There are much worse moms out there and no one is going after them. When I was in college my then boyfriend had a friend who had a baby, maybe 8-9 months old, and when we went to his house once the baby was lying on a blanket on the hardwood floor with the dog lying right next to him and licking one of the baby's toys. It was just awful! So don't waste your time on Britney - she is a better mom than many others!
On a pregnancy note - just when I thought that all the pregnant celebrities (except for Brangelina) have given birth turns out that Fergie is preggers too - looks like less than 3 months. And apparently Christina Aguilera and her hubby are trying to get pregnant. I wonder if celebrities ever deal with the whole TTC issue. It seems like they magically conceive as soon as they decide they want a baby. Even actresses who are in their 40s seem to get pregnant right away, how do they do that? J Lo is the only one that I know has been trying to have a baby but is not pregnant yet. Who knows, maybe me and her will conceive at the same time :)
I had another interview at work today. I really liked the girl - she was very bubbly and energetic and had a great vibe. She didn't have much marketing experience though so I'm not sure whether my boss will like that, I know she liked the candidate from yesterday a lot. Too bad the girl that I saw today is going away for a week and cannot come back for a 2nd interview until end of next week - I know we need to hire someone ASAP so we may have to make decision before she comes back. I still have a few more people to interview so we'll see how it goes.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Back from Vegas
Sorry I have not written anything for a few days - I just came back from Las Vegas and had an awesome time! My period finished halfway through my trip and it's still too early to start trying again (one more week until ovulation) so I've had a few fun days without thinking of the whole pregnancy issue. Of course we could have had fun sex in Vegas (this place is always a turn-on for me) but we shared a room with my brother so no chance of getting any action.
I did call my doctor today to schedule an appointment to get checked and was told that the earliest she has is May 10 - almost 3 weeks from today! Since I'm not pregnant and it's not an emergency I guess it's not a priority for them. My doctor works in Georgetown University hospital and they are always very busy so it's hard to get an appointment and that's why I've been thinking of changing doctors. This whole trying to get pregnant issue has been full of anxiety and the last thing I need is to wait for a month before I even see a doctor. So I got the number of one of my friend's doctors - he is part of a big practice of OB/GYNs so I'm going to call him tomorrow and see if I can get anything earlier than May 10. I just don't want to wait that long considering that it's probably going to take weeks of testing to figure out if anything is wrong with me and maybe put me on some pills or what not. So I'll let you know tomorrow if anything works out with the other doctor (I hope so!)
I had a great time in Vegas it was my brother's first time there so me and my husband re-lived our first time by visiting all the sights - the fountains in front of the Bellagio, the volcano in Mirage, the MGM lions and all the things that make Vegas Vegas. It was very windy so the pirate battle in front of Treasure Island was closed as was the rollercoaster in NY/NY. As a matter of fact the winds were so strong that the water from the pools was sprinkling all over so we did not get much time by the pool (too bad as I was hoping for a nice tan...) But we had a great time gambling (I'm a little addicted when it comes to gambling) and actually managed to make some money. Not a lot, just a couple of hundred bucks but my brother made over $600 so overall we're in good shape. While we were there the Treasure Island was hosting the Miss Hawaiian Tropic pageant so we saw all the candidates walking around the hotel, which made my brother very happy :) Unfortunately looked like most of them were there with their boyfriends who were 20-25 years older than them so it just makes you wonder...
I got back to work today and had my first interview for the Marketing Manager position that we have available. The girl was very interesting, very friendly and had a lot of good marketing experience but just seems a little overqualified. My boos thinks we should make her an offer right away but I'm just worried that she'll stay for a few months and then leave for a better paying job. Our job is fun and a good learning experience for someone 1-2 years out of college but for someone more experienced it may not offer lots of growth opportunities so I have my concerns about this girl. But we'll call her for a second interview next week.
One of the other people I was supposed to interview today cancelled last minute because she got another job offer and I'm interviewing 2 people tomorrow but none of them seems that great so I'm not expecting much. I got several great resumes today and I want to speak with these people as well before I make a decision but my boss thinks that if we don't make this girl an offer early next week she may get snatched by another company. I don't know, I just want to see some more people instead of hiring the first person we meet but we'll see how things work out. I am still upset by the fact that most people that apply for the job are asking for a lot more money than I'm making and some of them call us back to tell us that they got job offers from other companies paying them a higher salary - it just finally hits me how underpaid I am so I may be updating my resume very soon.
Oh, apparently TomKat finally had their baby, baby Suni or something like that, born yesterday in a hospital in LA. So apparently reason won and Katie convinced Tom that she should give birth in a hospital, good for her! Although I think that baby will be rather messed up with a father like Tom, all this Scientology stuff seems very odd to me. And while I was gone Gwyneth gave birth to baby Moses 6 weeks early. Now, only Angelina is left and I won't have to see all these pregnant celebrities everywhere and rive myself crazy wishing I was pregnant too. Well, looks like Angelina will be giving birth in Africa, who would have thought? Stay tuned...
I did call my doctor today to schedule an appointment to get checked and was told that the earliest she has is May 10 - almost 3 weeks from today! Since I'm not pregnant and it's not an emergency I guess it's not a priority for them. My doctor works in Georgetown University hospital and they are always very busy so it's hard to get an appointment and that's why I've been thinking of changing doctors. This whole trying to get pregnant issue has been full of anxiety and the last thing I need is to wait for a month before I even see a doctor. So I got the number of one of my friend's doctors - he is part of a big practice of OB/GYNs so I'm going to call him tomorrow and see if I can get anything earlier than May 10. I just don't want to wait that long considering that it's probably going to take weeks of testing to figure out if anything is wrong with me and maybe put me on some pills or what not. So I'll let you know tomorrow if anything works out with the other doctor (I hope so!)
I had a great time in Vegas it was my brother's first time there so me and my husband re-lived our first time by visiting all the sights - the fountains in front of the Bellagio, the volcano in Mirage, the MGM lions and all the things that make Vegas Vegas. It was very windy so the pirate battle in front of Treasure Island was closed as was the rollercoaster in NY/NY. As a matter of fact the winds were so strong that the water from the pools was sprinkling all over so we did not get much time by the pool (too bad as I was hoping for a nice tan...) But we had a great time gambling (I'm a little addicted when it comes to gambling) and actually managed to make some money. Not a lot, just a couple of hundred bucks but my brother made over $600 so overall we're in good shape. While we were there the Treasure Island was hosting the Miss Hawaiian Tropic pageant so we saw all the candidates walking around the hotel, which made my brother very happy :) Unfortunately looked like most of them were there with their boyfriends who were 20-25 years older than them so it just makes you wonder...
I got back to work today and had my first interview for the Marketing Manager position that we have available. The girl was very interesting, very friendly and had a lot of good marketing experience but just seems a little overqualified. My boos thinks we should make her an offer right away but I'm just worried that she'll stay for a few months and then leave for a better paying job. Our job is fun and a good learning experience for someone 1-2 years out of college but for someone more experienced it may not offer lots of growth opportunities so I have my concerns about this girl. But we'll call her for a second interview next week.
One of the other people I was supposed to interview today cancelled last minute because she got another job offer and I'm interviewing 2 people tomorrow but none of them seems that great so I'm not expecting much. I got several great resumes today and I want to speak with these people as well before I make a decision but my boss thinks that if we don't make this girl an offer early next week she may get snatched by another company. I don't know, I just want to see some more people instead of hiring the first person we meet but we'll see how things work out. I am still upset by the fact that most people that apply for the job are asking for a lot more money than I'm making and some of them call us back to tell us that they got job offers from other companies paying them a higher salary - it just finally hits me how underpaid I am so I may be updating my resume very soon.
Oh, apparently TomKat finally had their baby, baby Suni or something like that, born yesterday in a hospital in LA. So apparently reason won and Katie convinced Tom that she should give birth in a hospital, good for her! Although I think that baby will be rather messed up with a father like Tom, all this Scientology stuff seems very odd to me. And while I was gone Gwyneth gave birth to baby Moses 6 weeks early. Now, only Angelina is left and I won't have to see all these pregnant celebrities everywhere and rive myself crazy wishing I was pregnant too. Well, looks like Angelina will be giving birth in Africa, who would have thought? Stay tuned...
Friday, April 14, 2006
AF is Here - Urgh!
Turns out nothing weird was happening to me on Tuesday - I was just getting my period. A day early at that! It's a bit of a weird period because I had a day of very slight spotting, which turned into two days of very heavy bleeding with some blood clots and today it's just slight bleeding. God, I never thought I'd pay so much attention to my period, it was always a thing that comes and goes and those were the designated "no sex" days but that's all. Now, I pretty much know all the details...
I will call my doctor to make an appointment to see him about the whole TTC issue because I am now very worried that something is wrong with me. When I had my chemical pregnancy the doctor said that the good news is that at least we can get pregnant but I'm starting to doubt that now. We've been trying for 9 months already and for the last 3 months we've been doing everything we can - lots of sex during the right time, vitamins, testing for my ovulation, etc. and nothing happened so I may need some medical assistance. I just want someone to tell me what's going on. I'll also ask the doctor to schedule a sperm count for my husband - anything and everything until we find out what's happening. I am usually a control freak so not being able to do anything about this drives me crazy.
On a more positive note, my got some good candidates for the job that I'm interviewing for so hopefully I'll be able to find a great person that I like both personally and professionally. Apparently unemployment in the DC area is very low and most people manage to get jobs quickly so there aren't as many good candidates per job as I expected. I was actually rather surprised to get some pretty weak candidates in the beginning but then I went to all the local colleges and universities and posted the job for their alumni and since then we've gotten some better ones. I'm sad that Rebecca, the person who had that job before, left because she was a great employee and we got along perfectly. But she found a job where she'll be making $15,000 more so I can't blame her. Maybe it's time for me to look for some new venues - I've had my job for 3 years now and I love it and love all of my co-workers but I know I could be making a lot more money in another company. I've been hesitant to look because I thought I would be pregnant by now and it's not a good idea to change job which you're pregnant but since nothing is happing on that end, I might as well explore my opportunities. It's so hard to leave when you love your job...but I can't afford to be so underpaid and overused for long. Good thing that my husband is making a lot more money so we can afford to live in DC.
I just got an email that we'll be closing at 3 pm today - great news! I better go back to working because I still have tons of stuff to do and to finish up my mystery shop report from last night. I don't think I've mentioned that before but occasionally I do mystery shops in the DC area which basically means that I get to eat in nice restaurants for free in exchange for writing a complete report of my experience. I started doing that 2 years ago and since then I've had a lot less time to dedicate to it (those reports can take 2-3 hours to write) so now I only go if the restaurant is really nice. Last night my hubby and I went to this very trendy Asian-themes restaurant in Georgetown called Mie N Yu. It's rather pricey but the food is great and all the tables are decorated like something from Arabian Nights so it's very intimate and romantic. But I still have not finished my report so I'd better go.
I will call my doctor to make an appointment to see him about the whole TTC issue because I am now very worried that something is wrong with me. When I had my chemical pregnancy the doctor said that the good news is that at least we can get pregnant but I'm starting to doubt that now. We've been trying for 9 months already and for the last 3 months we've been doing everything we can - lots of sex during the right time, vitamins, testing for my ovulation, etc. and nothing happened so I may need some medical assistance. I just want someone to tell me what's going on. I'll also ask the doctor to schedule a sperm count for my husband - anything and everything until we find out what's happening. I am usually a control freak so not being able to do anything about this drives me crazy.
On a more positive note, my got some good candidates for the job that I'm interviewing for so hopefully I'll be able to find a great person that I like both personally and professionally. Apparently unemployment in the DC area is very low and most people manage to get jobs quickly so there aren't as many good candidates per job as I expected. I was actually rather surprised to get some pretty weak candidates in the beginning but then I went to all the local colleges and universities and posted the job for their alumni and since then we've gotten some better ones. I'm sad that Rebecca, the person who had that job before, left because she was a great employee and we got along perfectly. But she found a job where she'll be making $15,000 more so I can't blame her. Maybe it's time for me to look for some new venues - I've had my job for 3 years now and I love it and love all of my co-workers but I know I could be making a lot more money in another company. I've been hesitant to look because I thought I would be pregnant by now and it's not a good idea to change job which you're pregnant but since nothing is happing on that end, I might as well explore my opportunities. It's so hard to leave when you love your job...but I can't afford to be so underpaid and overused for long. Good thing that my husband is making a lot more money so we can afford to live in DC.
I just got an email that we'll be closing at 3 pm today - great news! I better go back to working because I still have tons of stuff to do and to finish up my mystery shop report from last night. I don't think I've mentioned that before but occasionally I do mystery shops in the DC area which basically means that I get to eat in nice restaurants for free in exchange for writing a complete report of my experience. I started doing that 2 years ago and since then I've had a lot less time to dedicate to it (those reports can take 2-3 hours to write) so now I only go if the restaurant is really nice. Last night my hubby and I went to this very trendy Asian-themes restaurant in Georgetown called Mie N Yu. It's rather pricey but the food is great and all the tables are decorated like something from Arabian Nights so it's very intimate and romantic. But I still have not finished my report so I'd better go.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
14 dpo - Something Is Happening
So today is 14 dpo and something weird is happening with my body. I spent the last 3 days holding on to the last shreds of hope that I may be pregnant and waiting for something, anything that could be interpreted as a symptom but, unfortunately...not much. My breast felt a little tender and I had lots of discharge over the weekend but yesterday the discharge was gone and my breast were not nearly as sore as I think they should be if I'm pregnant so it didn't seem like I was pregnant.
This morning when I went to the bathroom I noticed a brownish discharge - not a lot but enough to stain my underwear. My period was not due until tomorrow at the earliest, so this discharge is very weird. It probably is my period, which totally sucks. I'm a little worried though because when I had my chemical pregnancy last year, that's how it started - with some brown discharge for a couple of days and...then all the bad stuff happened.
So I'm worried that the same thing might be happening again although then my period was almost 2 weeks late so I was definitely pregnant and now it's not even time for it to arrive. I know those chemicals pregnancies can come anytime between implantation time and a couple of weeks later - it just means that an embryo was created but it never properly implanted and was expelled from the body. I never even knew about this before it happened to my but the doctor said many women experience this at least once in their lives but if they are not closely monitoring their body they don't even know it. So I'm worried that it may be happening again. May be I should take a pregnancy test tomorrow - I know that during the chemical pregnancy your HCG levels go up slightly for a couple of days and then they fall.
I wish I did an HPT this morning, it would have saved my lots of worries, but by the time the discharge started I was already at work and I don't have a convenient place to go buy one now so I'll just have to sit and wait. Gosh, this whole getting pregnant thing is so nerve-wracking! We did have sex last night and I know that we had sex the night before my chemical pregnancy ended but I just don't see how they could be related. Women have sex way into their pregnancy and it's no risk of the baby, maybe I'm just reading too much into this.
We went to a picnic this weekend and half of the people there had babies so everyone was playing with them and saying how cute they are and I felt so sad inside. All of the babies were between 1 and 4 months old so if I had had a normal pregnancy in August (instead of a chemical pregnancy) the baby would have been born in March :( I am so attracted to babies now, especially since we've been having such trouble conceiving, it's almost masochistic. Urgh, I just want to have a baby, is that to much to ask?
On another note, we did not play paintball because it turned out that you have to reserve a field at least a week in advance - this shows you how novice we are :) So, I'll try to make a reservation for the week after next week, hopefully it works out., The weather has been nice the last few days so hopefully by then it will be warm and sunny and we can get a tan while playing.
I've also been really busy at work - one of my employees is leaving and I'm getting resumes from people that are interested in the job. This is the first time when I have people working for me, so it's very interesting being on the other side of the fence - looking at resumes, choosing candidates, interviewing. I got a lot of resumes but some of them are so far off that it's actually funny. Do people even read the required qualifications? If you graduated from college last year and have been doing nothing but mowing lawns for the past 9 months why on earth do you think we'll pay you $40,000 to start with? Or, another one of my favorites, a woman with 10 years of experience during which time she changed 10 jobs and has been at her last job for only 9 months. That screams problems to me. So, out of the 9 resumes I got yesterday only 3 people are even remotely qualified to come for an interview. Will keep you posted on how that goes.
This morning when I went to the bathroom I noticed a brownish discharge - not a lot but enough to stain my underwear. My period was not due until tomorrow at the earliest, so this discharge is very weird. It probably is my period, which totally sucks. I'm a little worried though because when I had my chemical pregnancy last year, that's how it started - with some brown discharge for a couple of days and...then all the bad stuff happened.
So I'm worried that the same thing might be happening again although then my period was almost 2 weeks late so I was definitely pregnant and now it's not even time for it to arrive. I know those chemicals pregnancies can come anytime between implantation time and a couple of weeks later - it just means that an embryo was created but it never properly implanted and was expelled from the body. I never even knew about this before it happened to my but the doctor said many women experience this at least once in their lives but if they are not closely monitoring their body they don't even know it. So I'm worried that it may be happening again. May be I should take a pregnancy test tomorrow - I know that during the chemical pregnancy your HCG levels go up slightly for a couple of days and then they fall.
I wish I did an HPT this morning, it would have saved my lots of worries, but by the time the discharge started I was already at work and I don't have a convenient place to go buy one now so I'll just have to sit and wait. Gosh, this whole getting pregnant thing is so nerve-wracking! We did have sex last night and I know that we had sex the night before my chemical pregnancy ended but I just don't see how they could be related. Women have sex way into their pregnancy and it's no risk of the baby, maybe I'm just reading too much into this.
We went to a picnic this weekend and half of the people there had babies so everyone was playing with them and saying how cute they are and I felt so sad inside. All of the babies were between 1 and 4 months old so if I had had a normal pregnancy in August (instead of a chemical pregnancy) the baby would have been born in March :( I am so attracted to babies now, especially since we've been having such trouble conceiving, it's almost masochistic. Urgh, I just want to have a baby, is that to much to ask?
On another note, we did not play paintball because it turned out that you have to reserve a field at least a week in advance - this shows you how novice we are :) So, I'll try to make a reservation for the week after next week, hopefully it works out., The weather has been nice the last few days so hopefully by then it will be warm and sunny and we can get a tan while playing.
I've also been really busy at work - one of my employees is leaving and I'm getting resumes from people that are interested in the job. This is the first time when I have people working for me, so it's very interesting being on the other side of the fence - looking at resumes, choosing candidates, interviewing. I got a lot of resumes but some of them are so far off that it's actually funny. Do people even read the required qualifications? If you graduated from college last year and have been doing nothing but mowing lawns for the past 9 months why on earth do you think we'll pay you $40,000 to start with? Or, another one of my favorites, a woman with 10 years of experience during which time she changed 10 jobs and has been at her last job for only 9 months. That screams problems to me. So, out of the 9 resumes I got yesterday only 3 people are even remotely qualified to come for an interview. Will keep you posted on how that goes.
Friday, April 07, 2006
Tired of the 2 week wait
Nothing new to report today unfortunately. Every morning I wake up hoping that I've developed some pregnancy symptoms but it's 10 dpo today and nothing. Is it too early to have symptoms? I really have no clue.
When I had my chemical pregnancy I did not develop symptoms until after the day my period was due but then again that pregnancy wasn't viable and maybe that's why I did not have many symptoms. I spent hours reading other people's posts on very early pregnancy signs and of course could not make any conclusions. Half of the people say that they felt nothing at all until their period was about a week late and the other half say that they knew shortly after ovulation (these are probably the people that check their bodies every day, just like me).
My mom said she had no symptoms whatsoever until she was 3 months pregnant, but she was only 22 and she got pregnant on their honeymoon so she wasn't even looking for symptoms. My friend V. who gave birth a few months ago said she started throwing up about a week after she missed her period and my other friend H. conceived after an infertility treatment so she knew she was preggo right away. So no help there - different people, different stories I guess...
I wish we were able to find out right away - it would make life so much easier!
We want to go play paintball this weekend if the weather is nice. I've never gone before and I'm a little scared because one of my friends says it hurts when the ball hits you. But it's supposed to be fun so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for lots of sun on Sunday.
When I had my chemical pregnancy I did not develop symptoms until after the day my period was due but then again that pregnancy wasn't viable and maybe that's why I did not have many symptoms. I spent hours reading other people's posts on very early pregnancy signs and of course could not make any conclusions. Half of the people say that they felt nothing at all until their period was about a week late and the other half say that they knew shortly after ovulation (these are probably the people that check their bodies every day, just like me).
My mom said she had no symptoms whatsoever until she was 3 months pregnant, but she was only 22 and she got pregnant on their honeymoon so she wasn't even looking for symptoms. My friend V. who gave birth a few months ago said she started throwing up about a week after she missed her period and my other friend H. conceived after an infertility treatment so she knew she was preggo right away. So no help there - different people, different stories I guess...
I wish we were able to find out right away - it would make life so much easier!
We want to go play paintball this weekend if the weather is nice. I've never gone before and I'm a little scared because one of my friends says it hurts when the ball hits you. But it's supposed to be fun so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for lots of sun on Sunday.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
9 dpo and still nothing
Today is 9 dpo and no pregnancy symptoms in sight. I did have a splitting headache 2 days in a row but doubt that it's related to being pregnant. I'm really disappointed because I truly believed this month was the month. We had lots of action right before and during ovulation, I pinpointed my ovulation with OPK, I've been taking pre-natals and B6, everything was the way it should be.
I was really hoping I won't have to go to the doctor and start the whole "why am I not getting pregnant" saga but looks like I may actually have to do that. Urgh...
I was really hoping I won't have to go to the doctor and start the whole "why am I not getting pregnant" saga but looks like I may actually have to do that. Urgh...
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Still no symptoms
OK, so today is 8 dpo and I still have no pregnancy symptoms. I had stomach cramps yesterday afternoon, nothing major, just like PMS but lighter but they were gone by the evening. I know 8 dpo is still early but I am so desperate to be pregnant that I'm searching for anything. Maybe next time I'll start charting my temperatures, although that will give me one more thing to stress about.
This whole TTC process has been very nerve-wracking. I try to pretend like I don't care that much, that it hasn't even been a year and that it will happened when we don't think about it but it's sooo hard. All this stressing about symptoms and searching for any sign has made me very irritable and snappy. I snapped at my husband a few times yesterday for almost no reason and he got very upset because he said my attitude towards him has changed recently. I know I've been very irritable for the past couple of months and he's the last person I want to be mad at but he is just the one I see most. I'll have to make an effort to be super-nice to him, he doesn't deserve my bitchiness.
My brother is coming in today to stay with us for a few weeks so I hope we don't end up getting on each other's nerves at the end of his visit. I'm so happy he's coming; I need to try to be nice to everyone and not mad at them because I'm not pregnant.
This whole TTC process has been very nerve-wracking. I try to pretend like I don't care that much, that it hasn't even been a year and that it will happened when we don't think about it but it's sooo hard. All this stressing about symptoms and searching for any sign has made me very irritable and snappy. I snapped at my husband a few times yesterday for almost no reason and he got very upset because he said my attitude towards him has changed recently. I know I've been very irritable for the past couple of months and he's the last person I want to be mad at but he is just the one I see most. I'll have to make an effort to be super-nice to him, he doesn't deserve my bitchiness.
My brother is coming in today to stay with us for a few weeks so I hope we don't end up getting on each other's nerves at the end of his visit. I'm so happy he's coming; I need to try to be nice to everyone and not mad at them because I'm not pregnant.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Waiting for Symptoms
Today is day 7 after ovulation and I'm anxious for any sign of a possible pregnancy. So far - not much. I did feel sleepy the whole day yesterday but that was probably because we lost one hour on Sunday and technically I had to wake up at 6 am instead of 7 am. I also felt a little indigestion and minor cramps a few times yesterday but nothing else. My breasts feel fine (although I was poking them a little this morning hoping they hurt), I am not exhausted, I do not have implantation bleeding and I don't have to pee more than usual. I guess I'll just have to keep waiting.
I ran out of vitamin B6 yesterday and went to CVS to get some more but they did not have it so the pharmacist recommended getting B100 which basically is 100 mg of several types of vitamin B. Some of these I already get through my pre-natals so I'm hoping I don't overdose on vitamins. He said it's not possible... He asked me why I needed so much vitamin B and I mumbled something about needing more energy because there was a line of at least 5 people behind me and I didn't feel like explaining my ovulation issues to all of them :)
I was riding the metro this morning with my friend V. who had a baby in December. She said her breast milk stopped a few weeks ago and she is now feeding him only formula. Apparently the formula is giving him indigestion and he's been having trouble pooping. She said she never in a million years expected to be closely examining someone's poop. The things you talk about when you have a baby... At this point I don't really care about having to deal with poop, sleeping less, feeling nauseous and all the other stuff - I just want a baby!
On another note, my brother is coming tomorrow. He lives far away and I only get to see him once a year so he's coming to stay with us for 3 weeks. I'm excited because I don't get to spend much time with him. But, we live in a 1-bedroom apartment and it will be a little cramped for a while. I hope we don't have to TTC next month because it will be hard with him seeping just a few feet away from us. Keeping my fingers crossed.
I ran out of vitamin B6 yesterday and went to CVS to get some more but they did not have it so the pharmacist recommended getting B100 which basically is 100 mg of several types of vitamin B. Some of these I already get through my pre-natals so I'm hoping I don't overdose on vitamins. He said it's not possible... He asked me why I needed so much vitamin B and I mumbled something about needing more energy because there was a line of at least 5 people behind me and I didn't feel like explaining my ovulation issues to all of them :)
I was riding the metro this morning with my friend V. who had a baby in December. She said her breast milk stopped a few weeks ago and she is now feeding him only formula. Apparently the formula is giving him indigestion and he's been having trouble pooping. She said she never in a million years expected to be closely examining someone's poop. The things you talk about when you have a baby... At this point I don't really care about having to deal with poop, sleeping less, feeling nauseous and all the other stuff - I just want a baby!
On another note, my brother is coming tomorrow. He lives far away and I only get to see him once a year so he's coming to stay with us for 3 weeks. I'm excited because I don't get to spend much time with him. But, we live in a 1-bedroom apartment and it will be a little cramped for a while. I hope we don't have to TTC next month because it will be hard with him seeping just a few feet away from us. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Monday, April 03, 2006
March - part 7
On Friday I took another ovulation test and that one came negative so I knew by then my ovulation was over. We did manage to get some action during the important days so now all I can do is sit and wait and hope I did get pregnant.
The first week is OK because I know there really wouldn't be any symptoms right away (implantation supposedly takes 7-10 days) but during week 4 I usually drive myself crazy checking my body for symptoms - touching my breasts to see if they are tender, waiting for any little cramps or feeling of nausea and, the telltale sign of pregnancy, the "feeling tired". Last year, when I had a chemical pregnancy but was pregnant for a little over three weeks, I had some of the other symptoms (including frequent peeing, slight nausea and increased discharge) but I never felt tired like all the other pregnant women. The doctor said probably the chemical pregnancy was due to low progesterone, which also causes the tiredness so I am pretty much desperate to feel tired as a sign of a real pregnancy.
I've been taking pre-natal pretty much from the beginning of this cycle and I also started taking vitamin B6 last week (I've been taking 100 mg but I'm thinking of increasing it to 200 mg because I read on several web sites that B6 is one of the best vitamins to take for fertility. Last night I also started using the progesterone cream again. It's supposed to be a natural way to increase progesterone levels without the side effects of hormone medications. I used it for a few cycles last year but did not get pregnant so I stopped using it but decided to give it one last chance. Basically, I've decided that if I don't have a vital pregnancy this cycle I am going to see a doctor and start checking if everything is OK with me and my husband. So, keep your fingers crossed!
I went out for lunch this weekend with my friend H. who just had twins last week. She had a C-section and was feeling a little rough the first couple of days but a week later she is in great shape and says she's been on her feet since day 4. She said she just feels some tingling and dull pain from time to time but nothing else. She even plans to go back to the gym in another week. The babies are adorable - they are so tiny (the boy was 7 lbs and the girl was 6.3 lbs but they lost some weight right after the birth) and when they were lying in the stroller their little heads were twisted to the side because they have no neck support. They slept through the entire lunch and the girl was even smiling in her sleep. I was scared to hold her because she's so small but just looking at the two of them makes me want a baby of my own even more!
Thanks to all of you who left messages in my guestbook - it's really helpful to hear other people who have been thru the same stuff. I may actually email some of you directly if I get really depressed but for now I'm trying to hold on to the hope that maybe this month is the month. Wish me luck!
The first week is OK because I know there really wouldn't be any symptoms right away (implantation supposedly takes 7-10 days) but during week 4 I usually drive myself crazy checking my body for symptoms - touching my breasts to see if they are tender, waiting for any little cramps or feeling of nausea and, the telltale sign of pregnancy, the "feeling tired". Last year, when I had a chemical pregnancy but was pregnant for a little over three weeks, I had some of the other symptoms (including frequent peeing, slight nausea and increased discharge) but I never felt tired like all the other pregnant women. The doctor said probably the chemical pregnancy was due to low progesterone, which also causes the tiredness so I am pretty much desperate to feel tired as a sign of a real pregnancy.
I've been taking pre-natal pretty much from the beginning of this cycle and I also started taking vitamin B6 last week (I've been taking 100 mg but I'm thinking of increasing it to 200 mg because I read on several web sites that B6 is one of the best vitamins to take for fertility. Last night I also started using the progesterone cream again. It's supposed to be a natural way to increase progesterone levels without the side effects of hormone medications. I used it for a few cycles last year but did not get pregnant so I stopped using it but decided to give it one last chance. Basically, I've decided that if I don't have a vital pregnancy this cycle I am going to see a doctor and start checking if everything is OK with me and my husband. So, keep your fingers crossed!
I went out for lunch this weekend with my friend H. who just had twins last week. She had a C-section and was feeling a little rough the first couple of days but a week later she is in great shape and says she's been on her feet since day 4. She said she just feels some tingling and dull pain from time to time but nothing else. She even plans to go back to the gym in another week. The babies are adorable - they are so tiny (the boy was 7 lbs and the girl was 6.3 lbs but they lost some weight right after the birth) and when they were lying in the stroller their little heads were twisted to the side because they have no neck support. They slept through the entire lunch and the girl was even smiling in her sleep. I was scared to hold her because she's so small but just looking at the two of them makes me want a baby of my own even more!
Thanks to all of you who left messages in my guestbook - it's really helpful to hear other people who have been thru the same stuff. I may actually email some of you directly if I get really depressed but for now I'm trying to hold on to the hope that maybe this month is the month. Wish me luck!
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