Well, apparently Brad and Angelina are selling the pictures of their baby and donating the money to charity. I wonder why people would pay so much money to see a baby. I mean come on, it's a little baby, you're going to get lots of pictures of her later on, why do you need to have her on every magazine's cover? I'm glad that he baby was finally born - I was tired of reading about it, it seems like this baby's life was chronicled since the time of conception. And Gwen Stefanie had her baby last week as well. I hope this is the end of all the celebrity pregnancies that everyone was talking about for months and months. I have to admit I like torturing myself by reading about them, it's like a sick attraction, but in the end it just makes me feel bad about myself. Oh, well, we still have Britney and her second baby, how could I forget about that. Hopefully she'll drop her excuse for a husband by the time the baby is born and go back to being Britney again. I hate it when women lose themselves after they marry scmucks!
I have not called the fertility doctor to schedule my tests - I don't really know what to do because we just can't afford to pay for all the testing ourselves right now. I've been meaning to call my insurance company and check all the details with them because the policy says that they pay for tests related to fertility but not for consultations and treatments. But I just have not had time to call them (I hate dealing with insurance companies) and frankly I've just been ignoring the whole thing. I was supposed to schedule the tests on the first day of my period (which is today) but I guess we'll have to wait for the next cycle until I resolve the whole insurance issue.
After I got my period this morning, I looked on the calendar and noticed that my next ovulation is due around June 21-22, which is when we'll be on vacation which would have been perfect, except that my brother is coming on vacation with us :( My brother is 5 years younger than me and still lives with my parents in Europe so we normally only see each other once a year for a couple of weeks so we invited him to come over and stay with us for a bit. Well, it was supposed to be a month, which got extended to two months and then, with summer coming and the opening of our pool, we decided to just have him stay until the end of June. This is great because I get to spend a lot of time with him, but at the same time we live in a one bedroom apartment and we’re sort of starting to get on each other’s nerves sometimes. And it sucks that we probably won't get any TTC opportunities during our vacation because my brother will be there with us. Thinking of this made me really emotional this morning. I have to face it, as much I try to pretend I'm fine, I'm just really really sad that I'm not pregnant yet again.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
AF is back with a vengeance
Well, AF came with a vengeance again yesterday and I've been cramping so badly that I could not sleep at all last night. I sort of knew that I wasn't pregnant because I did not feel any pregnancy symptoms during the past week, but you know, you always hope and think that maybe, just maybe, this month will be the month.
AF was supposed to come Sunday or Monday and I spent both days checking my panties every couple of hours for any signs, but nothing. And then yesterday I felt crappy the whole day, very irritable and headache-y so I knew what's coming, I just didn't want to admit it. Well, last night it came. God, how I wish you would just give me a baby and not make me go through this month after month after month.
It's our 3 year wedding anniversary today but I fell so bloated and very crampy and grumpy. I wish I could spend our anniversary pregnant and hopeful but instead I'll be tired and grumpy. My husband was very cute this morning, he woke me up with kisses and wished me a happy anniversary and told me that everything will be OK. I just think it's so unfair that we love each other so much and we are in a great place in our lives, have our own place, etc. and the thing that I thought would be the easiest piece of the puzzle is just not happening.
I was talking to one of my coworkers yesterday; she's the only person at work who knows we've been trying to get pregnant. She told me about one of her friends who married her high school love and were TTC for over 3 years and nothing would happen. She was diagnosed with some problem with her Fallopian Tubes where only one of the tubes is working. So a few years into the marriage she finds out that her husband has been cheating to her and he wants out so they split up, she's devastated, moves back in with her parents. To make a long story short, a few months later she meets a guy, they get married shortly after and she gets pregnant right away and she is due in a few weeks. My friend just went to her baby shower.
So I can't help but think - if God is not letting me get pregnant, there may be a reason for that. What if my husband and I are just not meant to be together? What if something will happen in the future that will explain why we did not have kids? All these thought are racing through my mind today and making me worried. I should really try to think about something happy on our anniversary.
AF was supposed to come Sunday or Monday and I spent both days checking my panties every couple of hours for any signs, but nothing. And then yesterday I felt crappy the whole day, very irritable and headache-y so I knew what's coming, I just didn't want to admit it. Well, last night it came. God, how I wish you would just give me a baby and not make me go through this month after month after month.
It's our 3 year wedding anniversary today but I fell so bloated and very crampy and grumpy. I wish I could spend our anniversary pregnant and hopeful but instead I'll be tired and grumpy. My husband was very cute this morning, he woke me up with kisses and wished me a happy anniversary and told me that everything will be OK. I just think it's so unfair that we love each other so much and we are in a great place in our lives, have our own place, etc. and the thing that I thought would be the easiest piece of the puzzle is just not happening.
I was talking to one of my coworkers yesterday; she's the only person at work who knows we've been trying to get pregnant. She told me about one of her friends who married her high school love and were TTC for over 3 years and nothing would happen. She was diagnosed with some problem with her Fallopian Tubes where only one of the tubes is working. So a few years into the marriage she finds out that her husband has been cheating to her and he wants out so they split up, she's devastated, moves back in with her parents. To make a long story short, a few months later she meets a guy, they get married shortly after and she gets pregnant right away and she is due in a few weeks. My friend just went to her baby shower.
So I can't help but think - if God is not letting me get pregnant, there may be a reason for that. What if my husband and I are just not meant to be together? What if something will happen in the future that will explain why we did not have kids? All these thought are racing through my mind today and making me worried. I should really try to think about something happy on our anniversary.
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