14 dpo - Something Is Happening

So today is 14 dpo and something weird is happening with my body. I spent the last 3 days holding on to the last shreds of hope that I may be pregnant and waiting for something, anything that could be interpreted as a symptom but, unfortunately...not much. My breast felt a little tender and I had lots of discharge over the weekend but yesterday the discharge was gone and my breast were not nearly as sore as I think they should be if I'm pregnant so it didn't seem like I was pregnant.

This morning when I went to the bathroom I noticed a brownish discharge - not a lot but enough to stain my underwear. My period was not due until tomorrow at the earliest, so this discharge is very weird. It probably is my period, which totally sucks. I'm a little worried though because when I had my chemical pregnancy last year, that's how it started - with some brown discharge for a couple of days and...then all the bad stuff happened.

So I'm worried that the same thing might be happening again although then my period was almost 2 weeks late so I was definitely pregnant and now it's not even time for it to arrive. I know those chemicals pregnancies can come anytime between implantation time and a couple of weeks later - it just means that an embryo was created but it never properly implanted and was expelled from the body. I never even knew about this before it happened to my but the doctor said many women experience this at least once in their lives but if they are not closely monitoring their body they don't even know it. So I'm worried that it may be happening again. May be I should take a pregnancy test tomorrow - I know that during the chemical pregnancy your HCG levels go up slightly for a couple of days and then they fall.

I wish I did an HPT this morning, it would have saved my lots of worries, but by the time the discharge started I was already at work and I don't have a convenient place to go buy one now so I'll just have to sit and wait. Gosh, this whole getting pregnant thing is so nerve-wracking! We did have sex last night and I know that we had sex the night before my chemical pregnancy ended but I just don't see how they could be related. Women have sex way into their pregnancy and it's no risk of the baby, maybe I'm just reading too much into this.

We went to a picnic this weekend and half of the people there had babies so everyone was playing with them and saying how cute they are and I felt so sad inside. All of the babies were between 1 and 4 months old so if I had had a normal pregnancy in August (instead of a chemical pregnancy) the baby would have been born in March :( I am so attracted to babies now, especially since we've been having such trouble conceiving, it's almost masochistic. Urgh, I just want to have a baby, is that to much to ask?

On another note, we did not play paintball because it turned out that you have to reserve a field at least a week in advance - this shows you how novice we are :) So, I'll try to make a reservation for the week after next week, hopefully it works out., The weather has been nice the last few days so hopefully by then it will be warm and sunny and we can get a tan while playing.
I've also been really busy at work - one of my employees is leaving and I'm getting resumes from people that are interested in the job. This is the first time when I have people working for me, so it's very interesting being on the other side of the fence - looking at resumes, choosing candidates, interviewing. I got a lot of resumes but some of them are so far off that it's actually funny. Do people even read the required qualifications? If you graduated from college last year and have been doing nothing but mowing lawns for the past 9 months why on earth do you think we'll pay you $40,000 to start with? Or, another one of my favorites, a woman with 10 years of experience during which time she changed 10 jobs and has been at her last job for only 9 months. That screams problems to me. So, out of the 9 resumes I got yesterday only 3 people are even remotely qualified to come for an interview. Will keep you posted on how that goes.