February

After trying all these things in January with no success I was really getting worried. My husband tried to play it cool and make things light, but trying for over 6 months with no success I was starting to think that maybe something is wrong. I mean, come on, we're both healthy, young, never smoked, never took drugs, drink very little, I’m taking all kinds of vitamins, and we're having sex at the right time and nothing is happening. How can this be?

We prepared ourselves for another month of trying and, even though now things were a little easier because with the Ovulation Calculator we knew when the best time for sex was, there was no room left for spontaneity. I felt like everything was planned- we knew the time, we knew the positions, we knew the drill. It just wasn't lighthearted anymore. But, we wanted a baby and we loved each other, so we were ready to try again.

I did a quick calculation to figure out when my ovulation will be and it was supposed to be during the weekend so I decided to have some fun and go to Atlantic City for that weekend and try to make things more exciting and just about conceiving. I started testing a couple of days before the weekend and the results were negative. And then we went to Atlantic City and I forgot my test kit (yeah, I know, it's stupid) but I figured my period is always 28-30 days apart so even without the kit I was pretty convinced I must be ovulation that weekend.

Unfortunately, not all best laid plans always work, and it turned out that my husband got a sinus infection a few days before we went to Atlantic City (he has a lot of problems with allergies and his sinuses) and they put him on a strong medication, which he had to take before going to bed. And, as luck would have it, the medication acts like a tranquilizer, so my husband would fall asleep right away and even during the day he did not have much energy and was feeling tired, so having sex was almost impossible unless we really wanted to force it, which I did not want to do. I was very upset and a little mad at him even though I knew it wasn't his fault but I just blamed it on him, and we got into a huge argument, so the fun times at Atlantic City did not work out.

We got home upset and sad and when I did an ovulation test on Tuesday and it came back negative I was convinced that I had ovulated over the weekend and by Tuesday it was over. With the pressure gone, we had sex several times just for fun but I did not even bother lifting my legs because I knew I wasn't ovulation.

That weekend was the baby shower for my friend with the twins. She was really happy and glowing and all the other women at the shower were either pregnant or recently gave birth so all the talk was about babies and pregnancy and even though I was really happy for her, I just could not help but being sad inside.

On top of that, one of our acquaintances who was at the shower, a hip Brazilian party girl who was dating one of our guy friends who everyone thought was a party animal, announced that her and her boyfriend had broken up right before the holidays but they had had one last "farewell sex" and she just found out that she was pregnant and she had decided to keep the baby. Needless to say, this was more that depressing - here was this girl who partied all the time, drank a lot, never really thought about having kids, who has one-off sex with the guy she's breaking up with and, voila, now she's pregnant. How can I not get pregnant when everyone else around me is, even people who are 10 years older than me? Why is this happening to me?

As the time for my period approached, I felt absolutely no symptoms of pregnancy. I was scheduled to go on a business trip abroad during the time my period was due so I figured being busy will take my mind off it and by the time I come back it will be time to try again. Last, minute, I managed to get a ticket for my husband to come with me using my frequent flyer miles so we were both looking forward to some time away to just have fun and relax and forget about the baby problems.