November

Trying for a baby was turning out to be more tiring than we thought. After the initial excitement of being able to have lots of unprotected sex, it was now becoming somewhat of a routine. We were both busy at work and it was the time of the year when I don’t feel like going out because it's so depressing and cold, so it was difficult to feel sexy.

For the past two months I was trying to predict my ovulation days by counting checking my discharge, etc and we would try to have as much sex as possible during those 3-4 days, but I could tell that for both of us it wasn't as exciting as in the beginning.

It wasn't making love anymore, it was just sex and there was the added pressure of trying to conceive. I read somewhere that you should lift your legs up after sex to facilitate conception so I started doing that for about 20-30 minutes - very romantic...

I also obsessively read info online about preventing chemical pregnancy and a lot of people recommended taking natural progesterone considering one of the main causes of chemical pregnancy is lack of natural progesterone produced by the body. Some people swore by the natural progesterone saying that it definitely helped them keep their babies and it did not have any side effects as it was produced naturally.

I got a whole bottle of it (it looks and feels like lotion) from a health food store and started using it in October and November but unfortunately I got my period right on time both months. What a disappointment - I felt like a failure! On top of that my friend who got pregnant through in-vitro fertilization already had a big belly and she recently found out she was carrying twins.

I was very happy for her and obsessively discussed pregnancy issues with pretty much reliving every moment of her pregnancy with her. I also started reading books about pregnancy and maternity. Not the scientific kind, but the fun fiction kind, but still, I just wanted to be pregnant so badly! By the way, if you even want to read a fun pregnancy book, I highly recommend "Diary of a mad mother-to-Be" - very funny and true as well.

I also became very aware of any little change in my body, checking my breasts, my discharge and my temperature obsessively hoping to feel something that would indicate I was pregnant. Every little twinge in my breasts or every time I had to pee more than once in a couple of hours, and here I was speculating that it could be a sign.

I counted the days after my ovulation and when it got close to the implantation stage, I would start checking myself for every possible symptom to maybe tell me I was pregnant. I also constantly searched online for new and undiscovered symptoms of early pregnancy - indigestion, excessive saliva, headaches, cramps, you name it, I've checked myself for it. Unfortunately - nothing for two months.