My husband and I flew to Berlin a few days before my conference started and had a great time exploring the city. I had never been there before and even though it was rather cold this time of the year, the city itself is beautiful, especially the new modern part around Potsdamer Platz.
I knew my period was due around the same time we arrived in Berlin and I didn't think I was pregnant so I was basically waiting for it to start. In the meantime, being away from home and without the pressures of trying to conceive, we felt like we were on a honeymoon again :) Great times!
I felt some minor cramps a few times but no period yet, but I had no symptoms at all so I didn’t think anything of it. After my conference started, I was so busy from early morning till late at night that I honestly completely forgot about my period. At the end of the week I thought it was kind of weird that it still hadn't come but I didn't have an easy access to a pregnancy test and I was still so busy that I just figured if I'm by any chance pregnant, then whether I do a test now or later doesn't really matter.
However, after my period was 9 days late I thought it was kind of weird especially since it's almost never late. So I started thinking that maybe, just maybe I am pregnant but it's just too early to have any symptoms. I really didn't know what to think but at the back of mind I was slightly hopeful.
I flew back from Berlin on Wednesday and I was determined to take a pregnancy test as soon as I get home because by then I was 10 days late. I had a really long flight ahead of me and I'm really scared of flying so I took my regular anti-anxiety pill and I took a sleeping pill during the flight when we hit some major turbulence and I started freaking out.
As soon as we landed, I felt a strong cramp, which did not go away and by the time I got out of customs I was cramping a lot (I usually have major cramps during my period anyway) so I went straight to the bathroom and, guess what, I was bleeding. Full on, just like a period.
My first thoughts were, oh well, I didn’t really think I was pregnant anyway so it's just my period. But the next day I noticed a couple of blood clots on my tampon and that got me a little worried. When I had my chemical pregnancy back in September, I had a lot of blood clots coming out of me and lots and lots of blood as well. So I freaked out that I might be having another chemical pregnancy. The blood was the usually period amount but the few blood clots and the fact that the bleeding came 10 days after my period was supposed to come got me worried. I was mad at myself for not doing a pregnancy test in Berlin because this way I would have known whether this was just a normal period or a chemical pregnancy. As it was, there was no way to know. Urgh!!!
So of course I was torturing myself going back in time to figure out whether I had any symptoms of late ovulation but could not remember anything. I had stopped testing with the Ovulation Kit because I just assumed my ovulation occurred while we were in Atlantic City but it's possible that it was just very delayed (although it has never been that late before). But if I did get pregnant, why didn't I have any symptoms at all? At least the first time, I had felt some symptoms before it turned out the embryo never implanted. This time it was nothing.
It was difficult for me but I decided not to torture myself thinking about this more and more because there was absolutely no way to find out. I kept checking the amount of bleeding and it appeared normal but the weird thing was that usually my period is completely over after 4-5 days max. This time the bleeding was over on the morning of day 5 but for 4 more days I had a brownish discharge - not a lot but just enough to get me thinking what if...
Anyways, I have made a decision that we will try again in April and if nothing happens I will make an appointment to see a doctor and see if maybe something is wrong. I will try to do everything right in April - I will start testing for ovulation early and not stop until I have a positive. We'll try to have as much sex as possible and I will make sure to take my vitamins and we’ll see what happens. Of course, every time I have great plans something happens and they don’t always work out but I've decided to give us one last chance before going to the doctor.
I’ll start testing for ovulation next Tuesday so keep your fingers crossed.
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